German Election: More Money, More Beer and More Sex

Last Friday, the German satirical party, “Die Partei,” was officially approved by the agency responsible for overseeing German federal elections as one of 38 parties eligible to run.  “Die Partei” (“The Party“) promise to build a wall around Germany to tackle globalization, financial market turmoil and the euro crisis, limit management pay to 25,000 times the ordinary worker’s pay, put Angela Merkel in a cage and “frack” Germany’s environment minister to release the “tremendous energy resources” within him if they come to power in the upcoming German election.

“This election campaign has been so boring because we haven’t been a part of it yet, We’re going to change that.”

Martin Sonneborn

Good luck with that, Mr. Sonneborn! And thanks for showing us that you Germans do in fact have a sense of humor, after all…

“We’re a party that wants to gain power just like any other party, but we’re trying to achieve this in part with satirical methods,” says Sonneborn in an interview with DerSPIEGEL.

“Die Partei” now encompasses a fully-fledged organization with regional branches, a treasurer and no less than eight chancellor candidates!

It even has a uniform for its members — gray C&A suits, off the rack for €49.

So far it has been sorely lacking both in entertainment value and hard-hitting political discourse, DerSPIEGEL points out, and at the moment there seems tobe  nobody who wants to challenge Angela Merkel.

Asked to explain the secret of her success, given the near total lack of major policies or reforms in her current term, her penchant for radical U-turns, her often-criticized lack of leadership or vision, and recent revelations that she had been a secretary for “Agitation and Propaganda”in communist East Germany’s FDJ youth organisation, Sonneborn says:

The lady stands for even less than we do. And that’s saying something.

“Frau Merkel is one of the dangerous gang of three East Germans who are responsible for the opening of the Wall. Their master plan was to take over the country and transfer all our money to the East,” Sonneborn goes on.

FULL ARTICLE@SPIEGEL Online

Besides putting Mrs. Merkel in a cage and frackle the environment minister, Peter Altmaier, here are some other campaign pledges:

• To build a wall around Germany to tackle globalization, financial market turmoil and the euro crisis.

• To limit management pay to 25,000 times an ordinary worker’s pay.

• To use the controversial mining method of hydraulic fracturing or“fracking” on Peter Altmaier, Germany’s heavyset environment minister, to release the “tremendous energy resources” within him.

• To ban pub crawls by foreign tourists in German inner cities.

• To further complicate the German tax system so that large companies can no longer find money-saving loopholes.

• To follow the Greek example and shut down public broadcasters like ARD and ZDF and make them repay the license fees and apologize for their output.

• To raise €5 million through crowdfunding to finance the controlled detonation of Berlin’s baroque city palace once it has been rebuilt. And to erect a grand, presumably communist-style “Palace of Die Partei” in its place, or a large swimming pool. “We’d have to run an ideas competition for that,” Sonneborn explained.

• To lower the school leaving age to 10 in order to solve the demographic problem of an ageing society.

• To lower the voting age to boost electoral support for Die Partei.

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Remember Island’s “Best Party“? Promising a polar bear for the Reykjavik zoo, free towels at all swimming pools, a Disneyland theme park at the airport and a drug-free parliament by 2020,….They actually won an election…

I believe we are to see this vote as a protest against the traditional politicians, against the political parties and against the political realities experienced.

 

Possible related:

• Election Farce Throws Iceland Into Political Chaos
• Mobile Operator Filtering Political Satire
• Jon Stewart’s Crusade To Restore Sanity

Almost related articles:

• Angela Merkel favours surveillance for citizens’ security (vancouverdesi.com)
• Germany: Is it Now The End of the Miracle? (valuewalk.com)
• Analysis – Merkel’s road to a third term could be rocky (scooprocket.com)
• Former German Chancellor has stashed lightbulbs and 38,000 of his favourite menthol cigarettes… because he fears the EU will ban them (dailymail.co.uk)

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